Conduit 2: “And at night?”

Look at me actually getting this scheduled the day ahead! Still no preorder up yet (I’m waiting on the new book covers, and the ediiting schedule, etc)

If you missed it, here is: Snag (Conduit 2), Chapter 1, Part 1 and Chapter 1, Part 2

This excerpt is from the second draft, unedited, unproofed, of Snag (Conduit 2). Please try to ignore any glaring errors, they will be smoothed in the editing process. Anything in brackets is language/text I’m still not settled on or a bit of the timeline, etc, that needs to be double-checked.

General content of note for the entire series (not necessarily this particular excerpt): explicit language, sexual thoughts/situations (eventual, sloooow burn, why choose), occasional on-page violence, memory loss, mention of child abuse (not main character), kidnapping. Please see the main page for Awry for a more inclusive list.

Chapter 1, Part 3

Rought turns back to the photo, his expression turning grim. “I think my mother thought the Cataclysm wouldn’t drag us back right away if she stayed with him. But, no matter how many bastards he has … we have half-siblings we don’t even know about. Reck is his eldest. And Rath and I are …” He doesn’t complete the thought, just staring at the picture for a moment. “There are still things I don’t know all the details about. It was Grinder who brought me to Ingrid, not my uncle. The Outcast drove us to the estate, here, straight from California, but then left us at the gate. I think the Club traded a favor with Ingrid for the healing. All three of us needed it, none of us had our beasts then.”

“Most shifters don’t fully transform until their late teens,” I murmur quietly to let him know I’m listening. Intently.

He nods. “Grinder brought us to the main house first to speak with Ingrid, but we didn’t go inside. Then three days later …” He touches the photo, then looks down at me. “You came out to the cottage in the woods, demanding to meet me, meet us.”

I laugh. And realize that I’m here. I’m here in the now. With him. Just like I was for that moment on the front patio of the main house yesterday. The moment I first saw him, even if he met me when we were both only nine.

I want to be in the now with him. I want to ignore the terrible revelations collapsing all around me, and all the conclusions sure to come. I want to ignore everything I thought was the truth, have now learned was some sort of a lie, and skip forward.

I think Rought would be more than willing to jump into the now with me.

“Your arm was also in a cast. You asked me …” He clears his throat. “You looked at my leg, at the bruising on my face. Ingrid had to heal me in stages.”

“Me too,” I say quietly, not wanting to interrupt him.

“You asked me if my mom was dead too.”

My heart feels like it’s lodged in my throat. “And what did you say?”

He chuckles darkly. “I said no, but I wished my father was. Three days here, by the ocean, surrounded by people who actually fucking cared about me, and not worried what my next so-called lesson was going to be … and I already knew I never wanted to go back. Then I met you. And you just cemented all of that.”

“But you went back.”

“I went back. The Cataclysm didn’t let us get away that easily. But he let us come every summer, to train with our uncle, the Outcast, because he thought it would get him a foothold in Cascadia.”

“Why here? The Federation seems more his … style.”

Rought snorts, then shrugs. “Power. It’s always about the accumulation of power, isn’t it? That’s why he …” He shakes his head.

“Why he?”

“Let’s put that on our list,” he says, angling his head so he can look me in the eye. “Not that I enjoy looking back at anything other than you, Zaya.”

I flush, actual warmth threading through my chest.

“You want to know something?” he asks, all low and rumbly.

“Anything,” I whisper, like an utterly breathless, utterly beguiled idiot.

“You’ve taken my vengeance for that day. For all the beatings before and after.”

I blink, confused. “How so?”

“The Cataclysm enforcers who liked the beat the shit out of Reck, Rath, and me under the loose guise of training us? Of making sure we were the biggest, baddest shifters around? The best assets for our father? You’ve killed them both.” He laughs harshly.

He must mean Chains and Breaker.

“What a blow to their fucking egos. To be put in their fucking place by a girl.”

“I am the Conduit,” I say wryly, rubbing my forearms where I can still feel Chains’s threads of fate scoring my skin.

Rought’s gaze drops to follow my movement, his brow thoughtfully pinched. But he doesn’t ask if I’m hurt, or cold. “They don’t understand power like what you hold, Zaya.”

“And you do?”

He pauses for a moment, actually thinking about it. And somehow that makes me like him even more.

‘Like him’. What an utterly trite way of encompassing everything I’m feeling.

“I’ll learn the new you,” Rought finally says. “Though I think I understood the you of before, so that’s not a bad start, right? For our threads?”

He reaches for my hand and ever so gently brushes his thumb across the smooth pad of my left thumb.

“If … if you were mine …” I whisper. The idea is overwhelming, mind-boggling. I never thought, never even hoped —

“If I was yours,” Rought says. “We would walk on the beach together, like this, hand in hand.”

“Yes.”

“Snuggle on the couch together …” His golden-rimmed eyes ensnare me. I can’t look away, as if he’s weaving some sort of spell between us. A binding. “Sharing our favorite films and snacks. Do you still like licorice All Sorts?

I haven’t had any in years, but —

He adds, “Not the jellies, though. Your favorites are the triple-layered ones, leaving me the coconut rings and the black licorice.”

I close my mouth. He’s right, of course.

He tilts his head, assessing me. Maybe seeing if I’m still with him.

I am. Completely.

“And we’d go for drives up the coast, blasting music and stopping anywhere that serves milkshakes and fries. If I was yours.”

“Yes.” I exhale shakily. I’m not … that life … that’s not supposed to be mine, but … he knows me. Maybe he only knows little bits of me, but I want to know all about his favorite things as well. I want to know how to make him smile, make him laugh, make him tighten his arms around me. “I want that.”

He crowds up against me, lowering his voice again. “And dancing, like at the Clubhouse?”

I nod, head fallen back to look up at him, cheeks flushed and utterly fixated. On Rought. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him while dancing. And with Rath watching us together …

“And at night?” Rought teases, knowingly. “When the darkness encroaches on the day. I’m in your bed, yes? For more … cuddling?”

I laugh, again involuntarily. “Cuddling? Is that how you earn your keep?” Just about everything I knew about my past has been blown wide open. I’ve been dealt what would be a mortal wound, even a death sentence, for most — the loss of three soul bound mates — and I’m fucking flirting with him. 

“Well,” he says feigning seriousness. “I’m pretty good at fixing things, cars, appliances …”

“I see,” I say, pretending to consider his proposition.

“And I’m a great tech.”

“I have Coda for that,” I say.

He blinks at that, absorbing it. “You have … Coda …”

“Not like that!”

He barks a laugh. “No … I didn’t think … but I know who Coda is.”

“I know you do.”

“Which … that means …” His face crumples, shoulders suddenly sagging. “That I … I … could have fucking asked! I could have asked Coda about you. I fucking searched and searched myself —”

“I’m impossible to find that way, Rought.” 

Head bowed, he scrubs a hand over his face. His heavy despair, his old grief, actually rips through me. Viscerally. And that should frighten me, should concern me, because I’m not empathic. But, somehow, it only anchors me further.

I’m not alone.

I’m not alone in this world. In my grief.

I grab his shoulders, suddenly desperate to patch this newest wound. “You couldn’t have found me like —”

Rought pulls me into his arms, lifting me up — chest pressed to chest. I twine my legs and arms around him, as if it is pure instinct to do so. Maybe even muscle memory? I bury my face in his neck. Skin to skin.

He holds me tightly. Though I’m so much smaller, I’m not fragile to him. Though I’m so much, much more powerful, I’m not dangerous either.

He takes multiple deep inhales, of my hair, of my neck, filling his lungs with me over and over again. Essence — mine, his, and the power underlying the intersection point — twines all around us, cocooning us.

I know. I know what he needs in this moment. And I know how to give it to him. I want to give it to him.

Because he is mine. He feels like mine. Oh, fuck. He felt like mine the first time I saw him. And, right now, I don’t care that there are no actual threads between us. That I can’t see or sense our soul bond.

“Have you got me?” I ask, whispering into the skin of his neck. Because this is what he needs. He needs to know I’m here. That he’s found me.

“Yes,” Rought says gruffly. “Always.”

– Snag (Conduit 2), 2nd Draft


Are you new to the Conduit World? While it’s not necessary to read all the interconnected series, the ideal reading order is as follows:

Please note: it is very likely that the Conduit World books will be going into KU in the next couple of months (around the time that the preorder for Snag becomes avail). If you prefer to purchase directly from other retailers, or me, that won’t be an option while the books are exclusive to KU. Snag will be available directly from me before it hits KU, promise. Just FYI!

Conduit 2: “I exist in the now.”

Okay! I feel like holing up for the rest of the week (and as much of next week as I can manage) and just writing, writing, writing, so here is the promised excerpt slightly early today.

If you missed it, here is: Snag (Conduit 2), Chapter 1, Part 1

This excerpt is from the second draft, unedited, unproofed, of Snag (Conduit 2). Please try to ignore any glaring errors, they will be smoothed in the editing process. Anything in brackets is language/text I’m still not settled on or a bit of the timeline, etc, that needs to be double-checked.

General content of note for the entire series (not necessarily this particular excerpt): explicit language, sexual thoughts/situations (eventual, sloooow burn, why choose), occasional on-page violence, memory loss, mention of child abuse (not main character), kidnapping. Please see the main page for Awry for a more inclusive list.

Chapter 1, Part 2

I take a shuddering breath, still not processing everything at the same pace as it’s being revealed. Rought takes a deep breath as well, his chest expanding under my hand.

“I was banished too, I think,” I say. “But I didn’t know it.”

Rought nods his head reluctantly, thoughtfully. “Maybe this is too much right now … trying to figure that part out, right now.”

“The part where I died?” Anger flushes through me, making me even more shaky and a little lightheaded. “Then my aunt, my mentor, my protector, did … what? Did she just decide I would never cross paths with my soul bound mates again? Why? Why would she …” I shake my head. My chest hurts from all the emotion I’m trying to navigate, to contain, to process.

“Yeah,” Rought says, offering me a completely inappropriate grin. As if he finds my anger delightful. Though maybe anger is better than the numbness I’ve likely been radiating. “Maybe we figure that part out later.”

I laugh involuntarily. It’s a harsh, ragged sound full of disbelief. But it’s a laugh. “You want to just be here in the now?”

He tilts his head in that shifter way, lots of eagle in the mannerism, grin widening. “With you, yes.”

“I’m good in the now,” I say agreeably, mostly to myself. “I exist in the now. The Conduit always exists in the now.”

“All right,” Rought says, gently running his free hand down my arm then capturing my fingers lightly with his. An energy stirs, almost thoughtful itself, between us everywhere we touch. “Then I’ll exist here in the now with you. And when you’re ready for tomorrow, we’ll figure that out as well.”

I blink at him a little more. It can’t … it can’t be that easy. There are ramifications from what has been done to us. Plus, everything is different now that I’m the Conduit. The Conduit doesn’t get to have —

Rought closes the space between us, placing my hand on his waist. I instantly fist the fabric of his T-shirt, gazing up at him. I settle my left hand flat across his heart again. He pins it in place by his right. Not that I’m going anywhere.

“These threads you want to see … need to see … between us.” His voice is low and intimate. “Tell me how we … spin them.”

Rought hesitates over the analogy, just a little.

It’s enough to make me smile, just a little.

“Can we start over?” he asks.

I think about that for a moment. Just think about that one thing, instead of trying to understand and then solve everything else all at once. How would that work? He has years of memories of me and I have none.

“The pictures.”

Rought smiles. “Yeah. Seems like you were meant to find them, hey?”

“You think Mack left them here for me to find?”

“Did he know you were coming home?”

I slowly scan the room around Rought’s wide shoulders, taking in the photos lining the walls of the otherwise empty bedroom. All black and white, all the same size, all framed in the same black metal and thick edged mat.

“There was a letter for me,” I whisper. “… from my aunt. And an ice cream maker.”

Rought nods. “So they knew you were coming.”

“Maybe. I thought it might be a part of a knowing, from Disa to me, but …” I scan the photographs lining the wall again. “All these dates. There aren’t any photos from before I came to live here.”

“Or after you left.”

Sliding my hand down to capture his, my left in his right, I drift toward the first photo of him and me. It’s two in from the door to the hall.

“Start at the beginning,” I murmur, then I look at Rought and point at the photo of him and me.

In the photo, and according to the date, I’m nine. Rought and I are perched on a weather-bleached driftwood log, facing the beach and the open ocean beyond with our backs to the photographer. Even captured in black and white, the sun glints off Rought’s unruly hair. My skin is pale next to his deep tan.

“You think Mack knew about what I’m … missing. That I lost all of this …” I struggle as renewed grief — hot and sharp — knives through me. “And he … wanted to help me find my way back.”

“I think … I never knew Mack was a photographer.” Rought’s gaze is fixed on the photo, though I know he saw all the framed pictures only a day ago. Saw them and tried to show me. “I’ve never seen any of his photos framed and hung anywhere on the estate. Course, I haven’t been here for …”

“Thirteen years.”

“Right.”

I inhale deeply, holding his hand a little tighter. “Do you remember this day?”

“I remember every day with you, Zaya.” His gaze is now riveted on my face, meaning it, believing it. He clears his throat and seems to force himself to look away, to look at the photo again. “You can’t see it from this angle,” he says. “But my leg is in a cast. You got your arm cast removed that morning.” He taps the greenery that edges the back of the driftwood log. “Muta was never more than a couple of feet away from you those days.”

I lean a little closer, but it still takes a moment for me to discern Muta hidden among the mint that grows wild in various places on the property.

A flicker of a memory surfaces, even as I’m speaking it out loud. “Ingrid. Disa’s potions mage —”

“The healer.”

That little bit of info neatly slots itself in place in my mind, in my memory. “Yes,” I breathe. “She healed me after …”

“Your mother died.”

Old pain, old grief stir in my belly, but I keep my attention on the now, on the photo. “Ingrid said that mint shouldn’t really grow on the edge of the beach like that. Not so abundantly. Next to the open ocean, at least.”

“It’s you,” Rought says with pure conviction. “Your essence smells … tastes … like that wild mint. The mint grows like that in all your favorite places on the property.”

I knew that. I knew that.

I remembered that.

But not who had first told me. And … tastes, not just smells like mint, he said. He knows what I taste like, because … he … we were lovers, not just friends.

I sway a little on my feet. Rought shifts his hold on my hand, so he can crowd up against me, his chest to my back. I don’t lean into him but he’s there if I need him to hold me up.

He reaches past me to touch the photo. To touch the shoulder of the young girl, the young me, within it. “You want the story.”

“If that’s our beginning, yes.”

“We met that day. In this lifetime, at least. Though I’d seen you a couple of days before from a distance.”

“Tell me please.”

He brushes his cheek lightly against my temple, inhaling deeply. “I was beaten badly at my father’s compound.”

“You’re not even ten here!” I say, instantly incensed.

He chuckles quietly. “Yeah, you were pissed about it back then as well. Even with your own arm in a cast. I’m only two months older than you. So we’re both nine here.”

Jaw clenched, I shake my head, not at all assuaged by his amusement.

“Do you want to hear the story or not?” he teases.

I huff. “Yes.”

“My father wasn’t around,” he says. “If that makes you feel better. Oddly, the Cataclysm never actually laid hands on us … then.” He takes a fortifying breath.

And I know … I know there is something deep and dark hidden in that breath, that pause and hesitation. “That’s not the beginning,” I say, not certain if I’m protecting him or my own fragile psyche.

“Right.” He sets his chin lightly on top of my head. It is not a remotely dignified position, but I have absolutely no desire to push him away. “My mother intervened. Her and Reck, though he was still a kid himself and almost as badly hurt as me. Rath had gone for help. I’d mouthed off to some of my father’s enforcers, though I can’t tell you what was said. The Cataclysm was, is, all about ‘survival of the fittest’. His club followed that edict, even with his bastards.” He trails off thoughtfully.

“Your mother,” I prompt.

“Took a fucking crowbar to the two idiots. And they were a little scared of fucking too much with the Cataclysm’s current fuck. My mother held his attention longer than anyone before or after her. Anyway, she took off with all three of us. Me, Rath, and Reck. Stole a truck. Dead of the night. And [rendezvoused] the Outcast, our uncle, just over the California border. Though none of us had met him yet, or even knew about him. She asked the Outcast for shelter. For us. Just us. She went back to the Cataclysm.”

My chest is aching, for him, for his mother.

“They are. For about [twelve] years now. DeVille isn’t my uncle’s kid, just the twins.” He flashes a grin at me. “But that’s a different story.”

I grin back at him because apparently I can’t maintain any sort of emotional equilibrium right now. “Right.”

– Snag (Conduit), 2nd Draft


Are you new to the Conduit World? While it’s not necessary to read all the interconnected series, the ideal reading order is as follows:

Please note: it is very likely that the Conduit World books will be going into KU in the next couple of months (around the time that the preorder for Snag becomes avail). If you prefer to purchase directly from other retailers, or me, that won’t be an option while the books are exclusive to KU. Snag will be available directly from me before it hits KU, promise. Just FYI!

Conduit 2: “You saw me die.”

First, let’s all pretend I know what day of the week it is and I didn’t miss posting this excerpt yesterday. All right? 😂 Second, every excerpt I post from here onward is rife with spoilers. All of the Conduit books pick up from where the last one ended. Like … without more than a breath between the end of one book and the beginning of the other.

Yes, I thought that was a great idea until it threw some possible complications into the overall timeline. But no matter! That is for the editor to sort out! 😜

This excerpt is from the second draft, unedited, unproofed, of Snag (Conduit 2). Please try to ignore any glaring errors, they will be smoothed in the editing process.

General content of note for the entire series (not necessarily this particular excerpt): explicit language, sexual thoughts/situations (eventual, sloooow burn, why choose), occasional on-page violence, memory loss, mention of child abuse (not main character), kidnapping. Please see the main page for Awry for a more inclusive list.

Chapter 1, Part 1

“No threads connect us,” I repeat numbly, listing toward Rought. He’s still gently holding both of my hands, and I’m not fighting him over it.

All the fight has drained from me.

I trace my eyes over him, anchoring myself in all the little details because everything else, every other revelation tumbling down over the next is too much. Dark blond hair, curling at his temples against naturally tan skin. Even barefoot he’s easily eight inches taller than me. He hides an intricate web of tattoos under his black T-shirt, including a memorial tattoo of a floral anatomical heart for his lost childhood love.

Marrow.

Me.

“No threads connect us …” I whisper again, my gaze on the feathers peeking out from the collar of his black T-shirt, kissing his neck. More tattoos decorate his forearms and the back of his hands.

Feathers because his inner beast is a gryphon. Half-eagle, half-lion. A guardian of the divine. Which is utterly and ridiculously appropriate because I’m … I’m … 

I’m the aspect of a goddess myself. 

Though that power is still unsettled within me, as if it hasn’t infused itself on a molecular level yet, hasn’t completely permeated my soul.

Rought tightens his hold on my left hand and draws it against his chest, so I can feel his heart beating. Steady and sure. His heat radiates through his shirt, warming my chilly hand.

And I know now … I know the other reason I haven’t felt wholly realized in a very long time. One of three reasons, at least.

Including the male staring at me in concern, in wonder, with the burnished gold of his gryphon ringing his blue-green eyes.

Rought.

My soul bound mate.

Mine.

I’ve been … rudderless, aimless, reckless. I thought that was just my nature. Because I was destined to be the next Conduit, pulled back from death numerous times because I had a duty to the fucking universe. Not truly a person, just a vessel in waiting.

And … also banished, I now realize, from the property, from the intersection point my aunt held. From the family that could have been mine …

“Thirteen years ago …” I murmur, starting to piece it together. Thread by thread. Maybe I can weave it all back together? In my mind, and then … gather the missing pieces of my soul?

Rought swallows harshly, drawing my gaze back to the tanned skin of his neck. “Yes. Almost thirteen years now …” The southern drawl to his accent is tinged with old grief. “… we had part of that summer together.”

His gaze flicks to the black and white photograph on the wall behind me. One of the numerous photos I just discovered in the second bedroom of the suite in the workshop/barn. Taken by Mack, the former occupants of these rooms and my aunt’s recently deceased chosen. Just white painted walls, worn wood floors, and at least twenty eighteen-inch, identically framed photographs.

All taken without our knowledge, according to Rought and my still incredibly hazy memories of the time I spent at the Gage Estate as a child through my teenage years.

I don’t have to turn to recall the photo that’s captured Rought’s attention over my shoulder. The moment immortalized within it, of which I have no actual memory, is already burned into my brain.

The three half-brothers and me by a campfire on the beach in black and white. Starlight overhead. And anatomical hearts tattooed across our chests.

“I died … that summer,” I say.

“Yes.”

“I don’t remember that either.”

“I do.” His thumb brushes against the back of my hand still pressed against his chest. His caress is tender, comforting.

It had been my instinct only a day ago now, to reach for him, to lay my hand across his chest, to touch him exactly like this at our first meeting. Or what I thought to be our first meeting. I’d stopped myself for a multitude of reasons. Because I don’t touch easily. Because anyone remotely aware of what the energy roiling around me portents, or the vibrant violet of my eyes indicates, are wary of my touch, of my mere attention. 

I am a power in this world. And not by choice.

But, even without the threads that should connect us, I’d felt that urge, that need to touch him. To connect us. I felt it, questioned it, and tried to ignore it.

I tear my gaze from his neck, from the wretched sadness in his gaze, and look at his hand. His right hand holding my left. I twist my hand, maintaining contact with his chest — I’m not certain I can actually pull away right now. I brush my thumb across the scar on the pad of his thumb, my teeth marks.

He shudders under my touch.

A sliver of warmth cracks through the grief that has numbed me from within. I’ve lost so much … the framed photographs lining the walls of this otherwise empty room are a visual map of all that loss … yet …

Rought is standing here now, with me.

“You … loved me.”

“I love you,” he says, utterly intent.

The word, the steady assertion, fucking tears through me, taking the rest of my breath with it. And I welcome the sensation. I cannot remember a single person other than my mother that ever said those words to me. And truly meant them.

Then pain streaks through my head, through my eyes, and more tears take my sight.

No one loves me. No one can truly love me.

Because I’m not a person, not really.

“I’m the Conduit now,” I say dully. “I’m not the girl in the pictures. The girl you loved.”

“Tell me about the threads,” he rasps, speaking through whatever emotion clogs his own throat.

Confused by the topic change, I blink up at him. I’m still holding his hand. I should let him go. I know I should.

I don’t.

I don’t let him go.

It’s possible I’m suddenly and irrevocably unable to let him go, not ever again.

“Do you mean threads that should bind us?” he asks, clarifying because I can’t find focus, can’t find my voice. “Actual essence that you can normally see? Tell me about those, and how we create new ones if those have been taken from us.”

My chin trembles as I struggle to not be overwhelmed by the magnitude of that loss. “It’s not that … that’s not … it shouldn’t be possible to take those sorts of bindings. Even death … even the death of our physical vessel cannot … shouldn’t be able to snip those threads, those soul deep connections … we should … if we’re … soul bound mates are …”

He brings his free hand to my cheek, brushing away a tear while still barely touching me. “I will never ever be dragged away from you again, Zaya. Half dead myself or banned from the property, I will never —”

“What do you mean?” A chill slithers down my spine, my tears dry up in an instant. “Banned from the property?”

Rought snaps his mouth shut, grimacing.

“All this time,” I say, feeling like I’m clawing through a thick fog that I cannot actually shift, cannot actually find clarity within, but still piecing it all together bit by bit. “… you thought I was dead.”

“Yes.” He shakes his head. “No. I knew … my beast knew you weren’t.”

“You didn’t say anything.” My voice cracks. “Why?! Why wouldn’t you … And Rath … he … he must have recognized me?”

He exhales shakily. “You didn’t know me, Zaya. And I didn’t know why. I didn’t want to force anything that might cause further damage. I thought if I could show you, spend time with you that maybe you’d remember me …” He swallows again, then shakes his head. “And Rath. That’s not for me to say, or even to know.”

“Did you … were you involved in my death that summer?”

He blinks at me, slightly taken aback.

“Aunt Disa banned you from the property,” I say, clarifying.

“I tried to protect you,” he whispers. “I failed. I was … some of it is still hazy for me. I think I blacked out a few times. I didn’t have my beast then.”

“You saw me die.”

“Heard it … felt it …” His chest heaves under my hand. “Wished I’d gone with you when I woke up in the hospital a week later.”

I take a shuddering breath, still not processing everything at the same pace as it’s being revealed.

– Snag (Conduit), 2nd Draft


Are you new to the Conduit World? While it’s not necessary to read all the interconnected series, the ideal reading order is as follows:

Please note: it is very likely that the Conduit World books will be going into KU in the next couple of months (around the time that the preorder for Snag becomes avail). If you prefer to purchase directly from other retailers, or me, that won’t be an option while the books are exclusive to KU. Snag will be available directly from me before it hits KU, promise. Just FYI!

Daily exercise, reading Awry, and other brief reflections on May 1, 2025

I’ve done a terrible thing. Or perhaps just stupid? I took my measurements to help (?) me with my movement goal. I’ve always loathed stepping on a scale, but with how my brain works – the constant need to achieve, achieve, achieve (aka work, work, work to the detriment of my health) – I think I need a tangible way to check in (monthly) and keep myself accountable.

Whenever my new daily word count is consistent, I pretty much completely stop moving. It’s often an either/or situation with how my constant headache tends to react. I’ve been trying to fit Pilates and/or a walk with Molly into my afternoons, but it’s just not happening. I’m either exhausted/in pain or desperately trying to finish some graphics or a newsletter or deal with a bit of my inbox.

But! Yesterday, my lovely coach, Roni, encouraged me to get my movement in first thing, even if I don’t do my full Pilates routine. And since I’m now in the second draft stage (🎉🎉🎉) with writing Snag (Conduit 2), I don’t have to struggle quite so much to focus through the pain (etc). New words are just harder to get out of my brain (always have been). I adore writing second and third drafts.

That is a very long way of saying, May 1st is perfect timing to add just one extra to my daily routine.

I’m still not allowed to add any other projects! [That’s just a reminder in writing for myself 😂]

My office has been relocated to the living room for my re-read of Awry (Conduit 1) today. I’ve got my notebooks and dark purple ink queued up for anything I need to jot down or double-check.

Okay! I’m re-reading Awry (Conduit 1) today as a bit of a treat (I might share fav quotes on my socials as I read), but also to make sure I’ve got Zaya’s voice in my head (and double-check for any missing threads) before I start the second draft of Snag (Conduit 2).

Oh! I’ll try to be more consistent with Teaser Tuesday starting next week. Do you prefer random excerpts (my fav scenes, etc) or would you like me to post consecutive chunks?

Sunshine & Lollipops,

Meghan

Conduit 2: keeping us apart

Just a little teaser that snagged my attention while writing today. As always, these are the first words on the page and subject to a lot of tweaking over the next four drafts.

Content of note: mildly explicit language

Because I need the conversation to move much, much quicker, I offer a truth of my own, “My bonds have been … stripped from me.”

The Outcast frowns deeply. “That isn’t possible, even if you rejected —”

“I would never,” I insist, because I know that at least. I know it.

The Outcast flicks his gaze — questioning and clearly angry — to Rath and then Rought. “What have you done? Is this why Reck isn’t here?”

“This is about you,” Rath says roughly. “About your fucking secrets and how they might have impacted us. You knew Disa. You knew Zaya wasn’t dead. You let us believe —”

“I don’t get involved with the Conduit’s business. I protect as much as she’ll let me, but I no longer have the right —”

“We’re your blood!” Rath shoves his chair back. Then, finding himself standing with all of our attention on him, he paces, clearly trying to level out.

“Sit,” the Outcast says after a strained moment. The command is mild but pointed.

Rath stiffens, clearly thinking about ignoring, or at least trying to ignore, the essence-enforced demand. But then he throws himself into the chair. It creaks warningly under his weight. His gaze on his plate, he attempts to finish what remains of his breakfast in a few, fierce bites. Clearly stifling himself now.

I hadn’t really understood, not until watching Rath struggle in this moment, what it must be like to be on the other side of this all. Abandoned and forgotten by his soul bound mate. By me. And then to find out that our elders, those most trusted to guide and protect us, had knowledge of it. If not, more nefariously, a hand in keeping us apart.

– Snag (Conduit 2), first draft, chapter nine


Are you new to the Conduit World? While it’s not necessary to read all the interconnected series, the ideal reading order is as follows:

Please note: it is very likely that the Conduit World books will be going into KU in the next couple of months (around the time that the preorder for Snag is avail). If you prefer to purchase directly from other retailers, or me, that won’t be an option while they’re exclusive to KU. Snag will be available directly from me before it hits KU, promise. Just FYI!

Conduit 2: You like to watch, don’t you?

Just a little teaser that amused me while writing it today – with a few redacted lines because, you know, spoilers! As always, these are the first words on the page and subject to a lot of tweaking over the next four drafts.

Content of note: mildly explicit language

Rought’s phone vibrates with an incoming call. He swipes the screen to answer it before I can come up with a response to what I’m fairly certain wasn’t actually a question.

“You better not be fucking on the side of the fucking road,” Rath growls through the phone speakers. “I want answers now.”

One of those delicious shivers that apparently only Rath can trigger — while being a complete asshole over the phone — runs up my spine. 

Rought side-eyes me, knowingly.

[redated][spoiler!]

Holding Rought’s gaze intently, I lean toward the phone and drawl, “I’m game if you are.”

A choked silence emanates over the speakers.

I tilt my head playfully — for Rought, because Rath can’t see me. “You like to watch, don’t you, dragon?”

Rath groans. “Fuuuck …!”

Then he hangs up.

Spinning the wheel and tapping the gas to get us back on the road, Rought chuckles, both pleased and amused.

“What?” I say like a total brat. “Am I wrong?”

– Snag (Conduit 2), first draft, chapter nine


Are you new to the Conduit World? While it’s not necessary to read all the interconnected series, the ideal reading order is as follows

Mirth, Part 2: Chapter 1, Part 1

By reader request (😘) I’ve made Mirth, Part 2 available for preorder direct from me. Because I haven’t spent the time to figure out how to charge in multiple currencies (yet), the book is more expensive for my fellow Canadians (sorry!), as well as Austrailians and New Zealanders. For US and UK-based readers depending on the exchange rate, it might be slightly less expensive for you to preorder through me. Again, I see more of your hard-earned cash if you order through me, but I totally understand purchasing through a fav retailer (or if you already preordered)!!

MIRTH

Not even twenty-four hours after I walked away from my own matchmaking event, I’m sliding out of the converted classic Rolls-Royce Phantom that I absconded with from my father’s collection of cars. With a brief stop for some food and to stretch our legs, Roz and I have driven all the way from Waterfell Castle, my father’s seat of power, to Prague. 

And yes, this pampered princess can actually drive. Fleeing kidnapping or assassination attempts would be rather difficult if I couldn’t, according to the head of the royal guard. Though Anne, my father’s chosen mate, had seriously freaked out when Raoul got my brother Armin and me both learning to ride motorcycles even while we were technically too young to have our licenses. Raoul and Anne hadn’t been bonded then, as they are now with each other, my father, and Eleanor — the two of them exchanging bites in the shifter way. And Anne had pretty much lost her mind seeing us grapple with bikes far too big for us.

Speaking of disgruntled protectors, my royal guard, Roz, slams the passenger door shut and crosses around to the front of the car to join me. Even while doing more than her share of the driving, my combat mage has had her lips perpetually pressed together in disapproval the whole trip. Ignoring the fact that I could have wandered off without notifying her at all, as I had done countless times before, trailing in Armin’s wake. Granted, he and I didn’t usually drive partway across Europe without letting anyone know where we were.

It’s midmorning. We’ve arrived earlier than I planned. Though the former estate is set on the edge of the city, the sound of the bustling metropolis is muted by the tall walls and the even taller, ancient-looking trees sporadically growing all across the front of the property.

Roz sweeps a dark-eyed gaze around the mostly empty visitor car park, then scans the ostentatious brick building set back on the property.

The Prague Phrontistery. Well, the main building, at least.

“It’s still spring break,” I say, only slightly exasperated as I retrieve my black designer backpack from the back seat. “They have security.” We had to cross through the wards at the gates.

Roz only grunts in response. Her thumbs are already flying over her phone as she sends out updates, most likely to my other personal royal guard, Greg, as well as their supervisor. The cat shifter is still in London at my request. Getting a phone to the children, Tommy and Kitty, whom I’ve inadvertently — and possibly inappropriately — taken under my protection. I should know the name of Greg and Roz’s royal guard supervisor, but I don’t. Though I have a sense that Roz might report directly to Raoul. 

“The guard at the gate didn’t even ask you for ID,” Roz says sourly, not looking up from her phone. “And he’s new since we did our last security checks.”

“Well, that’s probably a good thing,” I say casually. “Since I don’t actually have any ID. In the traditional sense.”

Roz throws me a look. I just grin at her, then deliberately point to my thick-framed black designer sunglasses, indicating the purple-hued eyes hidden behind those vintage shades more than the glasses themselves.

She grimaces, her own dark-brown eyes only partially shaded behind sleek aviators. “Sorry. We’ve never traveled like this before.” She sweeps a hand down her body. She’s not in her royal guard uniform. Her casual outfit — dark jeans, leather jacket over a thin sweater, and kick-ass boots — was what she was wearing when I gave her exactly no notice before I stole the car.

In my defense, I was rather … distracted.

Right after I stole Armin’s ashes from my father’s study.

Right after I realized all the ramifications — or at least all the ones I hadn’t already spelled out for myself — of being my father’s only heir. All the reasons that I needed to accept and bond with a well-established bond group. I would need to help my father hold the intersection point. I would need to be grounded and steady enough to hold that point myself when the time comes. Because an imbalanced intersection point has worldwide ramifications. It’s a massive responsibility. One I was born and bred to undertake.

Honestly, giving Roz any notice at all was rather generous of me. Especially given that I took off from Lake Thun Castle without her, forcing her to race after me to Waterfell.

I sling my backpack over both shoulders. It’s comfortingly heavy. Anchoring. Still, it seems as though carrying a marble urn around in a backpack should be disconcerting. 

I’m wearing a black cashmere-and-wool duster that falls to my lower calves and comes with a glorious cowl hood, over perfectly stretchy, straight-legged dark-wash jeans. The duster is more of a coat than a sweater, and I’ve layered it over a cobweb-thin, long-sleeved, tight-fitting sweater, then paired the entire outfit with sleek, square-toe ankle boots with a generous heel. I had found the entire outfit in prettily wrapped boxes in my rooms at Waterfell and thrown it on before I left. Clearly, the clothing was another courting gift from Sully, either sent to the castle before or during the matchmaking event so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by too many gifts from him all at once.

And yes, despite leaving Sully and all my other suitors behind without a more formal goodbye, I greedily accepted the absolutely perfect outfit.

My heirloom pearl necklace lies warm against my skin. Armin’s emerald ring weighs down my right hand. But I already know I’m no longer the princess to whom both were gifted years ago. I’m also not all shiny and new.

I’m floating in the becoming between my recent past and my near present.

And that is … okay. I can slow down — my mind, my heart. I can take the time to … grieve. Hopefully in a healthier way than I’ve been doing so far. If only for the few days I promised my father.

– Mirth, Part 2, Chapter 1, Part 1

PREORDER NOW

– DIRECT FROM MCD –

– AMAZON – APPLE BOOKS – BARNES & NOBLE – KOBO –


The Mirth duology is set in the Conduit World. While it’s not necessary to read all the interconnected series, the ideal reading order is as follows:

Adult 18+ While choice vs. duty is a strong theme in the Mirth duology, Mirth doesn’t have to choose between her suitors, and they’re more than happy to lend a helping hand to each other as well.

Mirth, Part 2: Preorder Now Available!

Cover design by Alicia McFadzean (@serif.and.somnia)

Coming March 13, 2025

PREORDER NOW

– AMAZON – APPLE BOOKS – BARNES & NOBLE – GOOGLE PLAY – KOBO –

Love, compatibility, and companionship aren’t a factor in my future. But I just need a moment, a few days, to accept everything else that comes with my blood and my position. Even if it never really was a choice — any of it — I need to embrace my fate as if it is. And that includes finally accepting the deadly power I wield.


The Mirth duology is set in the Conduit World. While it’s not necessary to read all the interconnected series, the ideal reading order is as follows.

Adult 18+. While choice vs. duty is a strong theme in the Mirth duology, Mirth doesn’t have to choose between her suitors, and they’re more than happy to lend a helping hand to each other as well. Content notes and a list of tropes can be found on MCD’s website (on the book detail page).

Tropes/themes: alternate/secondary world, magic, shifters, mages, matchmaking, forced proximity, found family, best friend, first love, love (lust?) at first sight, rejected mate, fated/chosen mates, choice vs. duty, slow and fast burn, multi-POV, why choose, multiple partners, polyamory (MMFMMM).

Note: There is no limited edition for this release (so no direct sales/BookFunnel). Sorry! I haven’t commissioned extra art or written a short for it (yet). I might do a limited edition printing of the duology later in the year (or in 2026). But I’m not supposed to be doing extras in 2025, and I’m already not curtailing myself terribly well.

I’m the one to be truly feared.

[Teaser Tuesday: better late than never, yes?]

MASSIVE SPOILERS BELOW! Sorry!! Second books are difficult to tease without spoilers.

“These people …” Coda’s fingers are flying over their keyboards again, likely trying to gain access to whatever tech is beyond the passageway. “They care more about your purple eyes than your rank or, like, the societal standards or whatever normally keep you relatively safe. You don’t have your entourage to protect you, Mirth. Wait for them, then we’ll all look for the boy.”

“I never actually needed anyone to protect me, Coda.” I squeeze Kitty’s hand. “I’m in disguise, you see. The pearls, the perfect smile, the sweet demeanor. The crown. Underneath, slumbering deep, deep down, I’m the one to be truly feared. And there’s only one way to wake me …”

Kitty squeezes my hand back, not the least bit scared of me.

– Mirth, Part Two – fourth draft


Are you new to the Conduit World? Content of note can be found on the individual book pages. The suggested reading order is as follows:

The revelation is overwhelming.

Teaser Tuesday: Mirth, Part 2

Mirth and I were forged from the same pocket of the universe. Everything my mother did to protect me, to care for me, steered me toward the destiny unfolding before me. My path tweaked and prodded according to my mother sight just enough for me to be standing here and now.

The revelation is overwhelming.

Mirth tugs on the bond between us. Just lightly. But it definitely snaps my attention back where it belongs right now. Had she been blocking that connection? Shutting it down along with the immense, intense power that now pours from her?

It doesn’t matter. Because now I know for certain it’s there. Now I know for certain why the burgeoning friendships with my other bond mates are so … unburdened with expectation. Now I know why other relationships were, are, difficult. Why I never really bothered to look for anything more than the most casual of connections.

Why I held Mirth in the garden at Lake Thun.

Why I gave her the peaches.

I can see all the strands of essence between us now, including the power spilling over the edge of the stage, creeping across the floor toward the nearest audience members. I’ve always had a sight for power — a genetic gift from my awry mother — but it’s never been this intense, or exact, before.

The why of that twists through my chest. As if Mirth herself is reaching within to grab hold of my heart. And lungs, because I’m not certain I’m breathing at all.

We strengthen each other, our gifts, just by being in close proximity.

The bond between us thickens, then grows taut.

“Lord Williams,” Mirth pronounces. It’s an outright claim, thrumming with power. “You’re standing on the wrong side of this all.”

Centuries of seeking the missing sections of our souls stretch between us, but only seconds have actually passed.

– Mirth, Part 2, Chapter Ten – fourth draft


Are you new to the Conduit World? Content of note can be found on the individual book pages. The suggested reading order is as follows: