Categories
personal reflection

It’s not you. It’s the toilet seat.

Warning: Possibly TMI

Yes, this is a post about toilet seats.

For the past 24 hours whenever I shifted on or off the toilet, I felt a nasty pinch on my left ass cheek. At first I ignored it, assuming it was just some weird isolated body ache. But then, as it happened again and again, I grew concerned.

Yes. Concerned.

Concerned that somehow my ass had gotten so big, or perhaps so flabby, that I was pinching my own flesh as I sat down or stood up.

Finally early this morning, I looked at the toilet seat.

It’s cracked.

See?

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Um, yeah. I totally scrubbed the toilet before taking this photo. Who wouldn’t?

Upon discovering this sliver of hell, I immediately yelled “the toilet seat is cracked!” to Michael.

“I told you I broke it,” he called back, completely unfazed.

Right. That did sound vaguely familiar. “I thought you meant you broke the hinge or whatever. It’s pinching my ass.”

“Yeah. Just be thankful you’re not hairy.”

So yeah. That happened.

And the moral of the story?

Michael didn’t assume anything was wrong with his ass.

This. This is what women do to ourselves. We assume that the problem stems from something we’ve done or from our fatty deposits. Before anything else occurs to us, we assume we are fat and that it’s a problem.

So let me be the first to say …  It’s not you. It’s the toilet seat.

Categories
blog Chocolate Tasting Little Pleasures

8 seconds of the stash.

I’m testing out shooting tiny clips of video on my new phone because I’m thinking about vlogging a bit as the year progresses … live chats, chocolate tastings, reading excerpts from my books, etc.

Here’s my first 8 second test – a beauty shot of my chocolate stash drawer:

 

Preemptive answers:

  1. Yes. I tidied the drawer. And I removed Michael’s portion of the stash, which currently consists of coffee beans and a mason jar full of Dulcey by Valrhona.
  2. No, this does not include baking chocolate. That’s a different drawer.
  3. Yes, this is a lot of chocolate. I was gifted a number of these bars at Christmas. [YAY!] And I stopped by Xoxolat in Vancouver to replenish the stash for the new year and writing Dowser 6.
  4. The mason jar holds a portion of my Manjari by Valrhona, which I consume in my daily hot chocolate. Yes, that means that the bag of Manjari is currently too large to fit in the drawer.
  5. Yes, the Amedei bars are already half (or more) eaten. I’ve also cracked the Saint Domingue by Cacao Barry and the Araguani by Valrhona. Everything else is blog fodder. 🙂
  6. It took me five passes to capture this eight seconds. Leo jumped in the drawer twice while I was filming.

What’s in your stash? What are you saving to savour?

Categories
audiobooks excerpts publishing

Dowser 1: a sneak ‘listen’ of the audiobook

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Tantor Media has just released a preview of the Cupcakes, Trinkets, and Other Deadly Magic (Dowser 1) audiobook. Yay! So, so fun.

Pop over here to listen to the mp3 file. Caitlin Davies is effervescent narrating Jade.

The audiobook will be released on Jan 26, 2016. The preorders for all five Dowser books are up on Audible, Amazon, B&N, and Tantor Media.

 

Categories
marketing meme writing

Dowser 1: Sorry. You were saying something?

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Cupcakes, Trinkets, and Other Deadly Magic

Categories
inspiration photography Salt Spring Island

A sliver of a sunset and a ferry

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Categories
writing

Creepy text message

So I’m writing away this afternoon, walking on my treadmill with my headphones on … Jade is kicking ass … bodies are falling – the wrong bodies, BTW.

So.

Intense.

Then this popped up on my phone screen.

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I whipped around as quickly as one can whip around while walking on a treadmill.

No one was standing behind me.

And that was creepy as all hell.

Then Michael opened the writing shed door and explained that he had been standing behind me but couldn’t get my attention without shouting, so he’d stepped back out and texted instead.

Yeah, the text message was the way creepier way to go.

Categories
giveaways self-publishing writing

Oracle 2: paperback now available and a giveaway!

GIVEAWAY CLOSED. WINNER: Lucky #12 – Megan from Chicago, Illinois! YAY!

This is slightly belated news, but I See You, Oracle 2 is now available in paperback! Yay!

Here are some beauty shots:

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I thought I’d celebrate with a giveaway!

Good idea, yes?

And if one paperback is good, then two must be fantastic!

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Do you want to win these two pretty paperbacks? I’ll even autograph them for you if you like. 😀

To enter all you need to do is comment below and let me know:

  1. What is your favourite scene in Oracle 1 or Oracle 2, and why?

Notes/Rules: OPEN INTERNATIONALLY. Each comment will be assigned an entry number. ONE winning entry will then be selected via random number generator. One entry per person. Please make sure to fill out a valid email address in the comment form. Email addresses are not collected for any purpose other than notifying the contest winner.

If you haven’t commented on the blog before, or you comment from a different IP address, the comments are moderated. So don’t worry if you don’t see your entry right away. I will approve it, then assign it an entry number.

Contest closes THURSDAY, JANUARY 14, 2016 at 8 p.m. PST.

<3 <3 <3


Categories
In Today's Mail

Paperback pretties!

These showed up this afternoon, and I’m expecting another box to follow in the next couple of days.

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I owe a few of these pretties to various people, but watch out for an Oracle 1/Oracle 2 combo paperback giveaway here on the blog in the near future. Yay!

Categories
meme

Dowser 2: shifters and chocolate

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Trinkets, Treasures, and Other Bloody Magic (Dowser 2)

Categories
excerpts In Today's Mail inspiration lovely readers writing

Day. Made.

So this was waiting in my inbox for me this morning.

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How freaking cool is that?

Here is part of the scene from Shadows, Maps, and Other Ancient Magic (Dowser 4).

The single-storey buildings and homes of Hope Town were all painted in bright colors, dominated by seashell pink. Kandy cut up between buildings toward the red-and-white-striped lighthouse that towered easily five storeys higher than any other building in the village. I spotted a few people dressed in bright colors, most of them shopping or hanging around a local coffee hut, but no one gave us a second glance. Kandy had outfitted us perfectly for what was obviously a tourist destination. The sparse population of three hundred — according to Kandy’s brochures — appeared to be a mix of Caucasian and people of African ancestry, but the village didn’t feel desolate. More like everyone was elsewhere — perhaps the cluster of taller buildings on the edge of town that the golf cart was zooming toward. A hotel, maybe.

My stomach grumbled, but I ignored it.

The lighthouse was before us. A pink rope hung across the entrance, which I took to mean it was normally open to the public. Just beyond and down a slight hill, the ocean lapped against a grassy shore. Tiny seaside houses on that shore had boats tied to individual wharves. The low buildings surrounding the lighthouse were painted pink with white-trimmed windows and balconies, which was an odd contrast to the thick red-and-white stripes of the lighthouse tower. We’d left the pine forest behind us. A few palm trees were mixed with the low buildings, but nothing as dense as where we’d come through.

Population of 300!! [wiki link]

What are the freaking odds? Yes, I’m totally jazzed!!

Thanks for making my morning, Jade Mackey! Oh, and I <3 your first name!! 😉